Happy Birthday, Joshie

Exactly a year ago to the minute, I was in much pain. Brian was driving us to St. Paul's and I was constantly yelling at him to slow down and stop going over bumps. I remember it well. It was the day of the big wind storm in Vancouver that took down trees in Stanley Park that were over 200 years old. We had no clue what was going on outside. We only knew about the storm because the water in the hospital toilet was brown and we were told not to drink the tap water.

Josh was born at 6:36pm a year ago today. I'm sure that I will be going through snip-its of "at this time a year ago, I was..." throughout the day. They say that you forget. I haven't forgotten. I still remember the pain. I still remember the confusion and frustration of breastfeeding and jaundice in the days that followed. I still remember the extreme exhaustion in the weeks that followed. I remember the loneliness and sadness of baby blues and I remember the helplessness when I didn't know what to do. It was the most difficult time of my life. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

If you had asked me a year ago whether I thought I could love someone this much, I wouldn't have known what you were talking about. Children are magical. I see Brian light up everytime he sees Josh and it's the best feeling. We are so blessed to have Josh.

And I can't believe that he has changed so much in just one year! Compare photos from when he was born with these photos from the past month. Not only is Josh practically running around, but his squats put even the best yoga instructors to shame - he's very bendy! (That was for you, Bri!)... He is learning to brush his teeth (or knaw on his toothbrush anyway!)...
Nikita is enjoying Josh's company more and more (or at least she's making it look that way!)...
And he's learning to use facial expressions and make noises to get what he wants (not that it would take much with us!)...
It's been an unforgettable experience being first-time parents. I can't wait to see what the next year brings. Happy 1st Birthday, Joshie. We love you more than you'll ever know!

family values and the value of family

My maternity leave officially came to an end on October 31st. I contemplated whether I should blog about this because it has been such an emotional time for me.

My first year of motherhood has been the highlight of my life. The adjustment was very difficult for me and I never thought I would get through it, but at some point it all changed. I loved having the year to spend entirely on my family.

I'm fortunate that my workplace was generous enough to let me come back part time. I appreciate it because I feel valued as an employee - they are being flexible to meet my needs. I know that some moms do not have a choice and my heart aches for them. As hard as it was to go from working full-time to staying at home full-time, I think it would be much more difficult to go from staying at home full-time to working full-time.

Yesterday was my first day back at work. I agonized over going back and it turned out to be okay. Dropping Josh off at daycare would have been the worst part. That would set the tone for the day. As it turned out, we walked into daycare, I put him down and he immediately ran over to a group of boys playing with Duplo. When I kissed him good-bye, he barely acknowledged me. I felt like he would be okay. Phew!

Work was a whirlwind! It's super busy, as always, and it was nice to catch up with my co-workers. In some ways, it felt like I never left, but in others, I couldn't believe the changes. It's a great place to work and I'm really lucky that I enjoy my job.

Despite all that, I still feel a sense of loss at not being at home full-time with Josh anymore. Many moms call it guilt and I can totally identify with that! I feel like I'm relinquishing some of the control I have in how my son grows up. There is someone else, a complete stranger, helping to mold the person that my son becomes. Though we ultimately chose what daycare we put our kids in, sometimes we don't have a choice (that's why it is a daycare "crisis") and do we REALLY know the people that we leave our kids with? Unless they are a family member or a friend who is already a parent, how do we really know whether they will teach our kids the way we want them to?

So, why don't I stay home full-time? Well, this is "choice" that Brian and I have made for our family. It is a choice that I agonize over and it brings up a need vs. want issue that Brian and I have spent the last year debating. It has made me question family values - not only our family values but the way we value families in our society. But I don't think that this is a proper forum for me to discuss this issue :-)

little chicken little

No, the sky is not falling, even though we had our own chicken little running around. Josh celebrated his first Hallowe'en in comfort and style! Man, I remember the plastic costumes we used to wear OVER our snowsuits and then the awful plastic masks which would get all wet on the inside from your breath. How did we ever survive?!

Well, even on the coldest day, I don't think Josh would need any additional layers in this costume. It's from Old Navy and it is definitely nicer than any costume that I ever remember wearing! We had a couple of Hallowe'en parties this year, in addition to tonight, so Josh got alot of use from his costume. I'm contemplating making the top part his winter jacket! Hahaha...

Josh's impression of a chicken ninja at the DWW Wrap-up/Hallowe'en Party...

Chicken Little and the rest of the kooky farm at Susanne and Chris' house...

The chicken carries around the cow...

neti veti

I watched an episode of Oprah where an audience member demonstrated the use of a neti pot to help clear nasal passages. It looked kind of odd, but anyone who knows me knows how much I suffer from allergies. So, in my most recent episode of allergy hell, I decided to try out the neti pot.

It felt very weird. I had to do some fine tuning on the tilt of my head so that the saltwater came out my other nostril and not the back of my mouth (as with post-nasal drip). But once I got it, there was water free flowing into one nostril and out the other - REALLY weird! Also, when I finished and tilted my head back upright, my ears started popping. So, I guess something was indeed being flushed out!

My nasal passages feel pretty cleared up right now. But, I've only done it once and the instructions say you have to use it daily as a preventative measure. So, I reserve judgement at this point. I'm not sure if I can commit to doing it daily, but I'll try to do it for at least a few days in a row so I can have a bit of allergy relief this time around...

walking on sunshine

Josh took his first steps on the Labour Day long weekend. He first connected his steps in a way that qualified as "walking" on September 13th - 2 days before he was 10 months old. It's so amazing to watch him get around. First, he was so fascinated by walking that he didn't care where he went. He just went. Now, he walks to get somewhere - and quickly! The lag time between me getting to something before Josh does is becoming less and less.

It has been alot of fun (and work!) the past month while he gets his balance right and learns new skills like turning around and walking over things. I'm sure if Josh could talk, he'd tell you that it's a bit painful too! Lots of bumps and bruises for him in this whole walking process. He still hasn't fully mastered the concepts of looking where you are going and looking up before standing up! But he just loves the walking part. Once he started, he never looked back - crawling is a thing of the past.

Anyway, here is a cute video of Josh and Nikita. Since Josh has started walking, they are finally learning to play together. I think Josh gets a kick out of it, but Nikita seems to just tolerate it because it's something to do! Make sure you watch it until the very end - it's a perfect example of Josh not looking where he's going...

it's leather, baby

Brian and I were married on 10-10-2004. It's been 3 years and time has FLOWN by. I can't believe that it's already been 3 years! If you had asked me 3 1/2 years ago whether I thought that in 3 1/2 years, I would have a house, a dog, a toddler, a mini-van and sold my motorcycle, I would have told you that you were nuts. But I truly believe that when the time is right and you find the right person, everything falls into place. Brian has been a part of my life for just over 5 years and I've grown more in the past 5 years than in the previous 30 before it. I love my life and I love him in it.

Now, you probably couldn't tell from our exchange of wedding gifts that we have only been married a short 3 years. It is our leather anniversary and I couldn't think of anything leather to get him (I did the wallet for Father's Day and he already has too many belts!), so I added money to a fund that he started to eventually buy himself a digital SLR. I don't think that Brian realized the anniversary was leather, but I'm not complaining because I got an iPod Classic.

So, it was not the most romantic gift exchange, but I was organizing songs, photos and videos for my iPod when I came across this video from the day after our wedding. It reminded me of all the wonderful moments of the day and it brought tears to my eyes. It was the perfect anniversary gift. Thanks so much, baby - I love you. Happy Anniversary.


video courtesy of BCTV News Hour

iliad or odyssey?

A year and a half ago, I posted this entry about selling my motorcycle. Today, I'm posting an entry about our new mini-van, a Honda Odyssey. I can't believe how much life has changed in the last couple of years. In fact, I think I'm still in shock.

I said to Brian last night that I think I finally feel like an "adult". I'm not sure what it means to be an adult (is it quite simply when you reach 18 years old?! or is it when you buy your first mini-van?! Hahaha.). But this is the first time in my life where every single decision I make, I have to consider if it's best for my family first. Gone are the days where I did things solely because I wanted to do them! It may sound selfish of me, but that is the honest truth - and to make that change at 35-years-old is...monumental.

In any case, our Odyssey rocks. I'm sure Josh will look back at this posting when he's a teenager and die of embarrassment that his mom said a mini-van rocks! But seriously, it is far more luxurious than my 1997 Honda Civic and it actually still feels like I'm driving a Civic (i.e. driving a car) - except when I'm parking, of course.

We researched all the mini-vans before we bought and we test drove our shortlist. Honda definitely outshines the pack. There is something to be said about the thought that Honda engineers put into each feature. They all seem to make sense and they also push the top level of their mini-van almost into the luxury vehicle market! Yes, you do pay quite a steep price for a Honda, but after the research (and driving our mini-van for a day!), we think that it's worth it!

So, welcome to our family for the next 10 or so years, Odyssey. You will hopefully be the only mini-van that we own. I wonder what car I will want to buy in 10 years...